Virgo Full Moon
The first hour of my day belongs to my well-being.
I light incense and candles, listen to meditation music, pull cards, journal.
I stand outside in my bare feet, drink coffee, eat breakfast.
Sometimes I move my body.
Sometimes I read or just sit.
I begin my day, everyday, by rooting into self care because I am the only me I have. I can’t be anything to anyone else if I am not taking care of myself - my body, my spirit, my heart.
I think it’s important to note, however, that this practice is not about ignoring the very real and pressing not-okayness of the current socio-political landscape.
I live in a state where hateful anti-trans legislation is being passed.
I live in a country where fascism is on the rise.
Covid is still infecting people at an alarming rate and causing long term disability after one infection.
Trains carrying toxic chemicals are derailing.
The climate is in crisis.
Things are not okay and it’s okay to say that they are not okay.
It’s also okay to find peace, balance, and joy within the not-okayness. Life is complex and multi-layered. We can hold opposites and contradictions. We can be a lot of things at once.
I can know that things are not okay and still watch in wonder as the crows in my backyard build a nest, have a tea party in the mossy forest, make dinner.
I can know that things are not okay and still watch a movie that makes me laugh, turn my music up and dance, and dress for the dopamine.
I can know that I have a responsibility to care about the collective good and care for myself at the same time.
And I can acknowledge that we are in a time of transition - as individuals and a collective.
There is hope for us. We will reach the other side of this pandemic, and we do still have political power - if we choose to stand up for one another.
We can make different choices. We can choose love.
As long as we are alive, we can do that.
I suppose you might be a ghost reading this right now (if you are a ghost, hello! Welcome!) but most likely, if you are reading this, you are alive with me here in this physical world and that is something to celebrate.
There is always something to celebrate.
This morning, the moon was full in Virgo at 7:40 am which means, I was able to do my full moon meditation at the exact moment the moon was full.
There’s a section on the full moon page of my Writual Planner to record what I’m ready to forgive.
I wrote, I forgive the past, including myself, and I thought about that. I have been, for some time, paralyzed by regret - going over and over again in my mind the poor decisions I’ve made in the past, the ways in which I’ve squandered resources and opportunities. The money I’ve let sift through my fingers, the jobs I shouldn’t have taken, the doors I should have walked through, the things I should have said, but didn’t, the things I shouldn’t have eaten, but did.
Here’s the message that came to me in my meditation. I’m sharing it with you because I found it to be deeply helpful, so maybe it will be helpful to you as well:
Forgive yourself for everything. You were always doing what you felt you needed to do in order to survive.
I am frustrated by spiritual bypassing.
I have no use for platitudes and truisms like everything happens for a reason. I noticed how the words that came to me were not, “You did what you needed to do.” They were, “You did what you felt you needed to do.”
The words that came to me in meditation were not placating me. They weren’t saying I hadn’t made mistakes. They urged me to forgive the mistakes because I made them with good intentions.
I may have been misguided, even selfish, in the making of those mistakes but I didn’t realize they were mistakes at the time. I did what I felt, believed, thought I needed to do.
Tracy and I have been working on cleaning out my studio so it can be re-painted. It’s slow going. Clearing clutter is difficult, but illuminating.
It occurs to me that acquiring and hanging on to things is sometimes about safety; the self tricks itself into thinking that material objects represent safety.
Holding on to things can also be a way to shield oneself from acknowledging failure. In my midlife, I am not living the life young me thought I would be living. I have not realized my dreams or met my goals.
I have poured years of life, my money, my energy, into the pursuit of things that did not come to fruition.
Some of my clutter has served to shield me from that truth.
Midlife is interesting, to say the least.
Time contracts.
Emotions are heightened.
My meditation, my spiritual self-care feels more important than ever.
Who speaks to me in meditation? My higher self? My subconscious mind? Spirit allies? Loved ones across the veil?
I don’t know, but I’m fine not knowing.
The voice is a voice of goodness. It wraps around my heart, easing it open. It calms me in my solar plexus. Forms words around energy.
When I stand outside, I feel the energy of the earth rising up through the bottoms of my feet.
Grounding is goodness. Grounding in goodness.
I do watery-things on the full moon.
Tonight, I’ll set out mason jars of water to be blessed by the moonlight. I’ll bring them in before the sun rises and use the water when I paint.
I’ll also take a hot salt bath. I’ll soak in the water and feel myself unhook for a while from my physical day to day identity. I’ll float in the arms of mysterious never-ceasing Love.
Midlife is shocking. My body, my face, my hair, it’s all unleashed.
It’s a time of change and a time of facing difficult truths.
But in all of this I have something beautiful: I know who I am.
And I forgive who I have been.
What do you do at the full moon?
What are you ready to forgive?
