anxiety and distancing

My neice and I joke that my car has anxiety.

It has a warning light and an alarm that sounds every time I start it, but there’s not actually anything wrong. I mean, I don’t know, there might be something wrong, but I’ve been driving with that warning light and alarm bell for about a year now.

Chronic free-floating anxiety is like that.

It’s this ever-present feeling that something is wrong, something bad is on the way.

Anxiety is always looking for a place to land and living with anxiety is like learning to drive the car even though the warning alarm is sounding.

Most of the time, there isn’t actually anything wrong.

But what happens when there is something real, something truly scary, in your reality?

If you already live with anxiety, and the whole collective goes into anxiety, what do you do?

Social distancing isn’t all that big of a shift for me. As an introvert, I tend to prefer online gatherings to in-person gatherings, but this situation we’re in now - this need to pull in, wash our hands constantly, cancel everything - I don’t know how anyone could be not feeling the stress of that on some level.

One way my anxiety manifests in my body is through the sensation that I can’t breathe. I’ll just be sitting somewhere minding my own business and suddenly, I can’t pull air into my lungs. On some level, I know that I am breathing because I’m not passed out or dead, but I feel like I can’t breathe.

So, when I read about the symptoms of Covid-19, I can feel myself start to panic.

If you already live with anxiety, you might be feeling frozen or paralyzed right about now.

It happened to me yesterday.

I was sitting on the couch with the dogs and suddenly, I was swept with panic that we were going to starve to death. It was a sudden fear brought on by pictures of empty grocery shelves in my facebook feed.

One thing that helps me with anxiety is rationalization.

Some years ago when I was experiencing a lot of anxiety about an overseas flight, I soothed myself with facts and statistics about the safety of air travel.

So yesterday, I did some investigating and found out which stores in my community still had plenty of fresh produce. I talked to a neighbor who had gone out to do some shopping and was able to find everything she needed. I reminded myself that we are not experiencing a food shortage.

Another thing that helps me move energy is physical movement.

I got up, put on my shoes, and went out for a walk. It was cold and the sky was grey. I walked and listened to my California playlist. I walked for about 30 minutes before I even saw another person. The neighborhood was completely still, no one was stirring. As I walked, great waves of emotion moved through me - grief, sorrow, elation, excitement, hope, fear. I laughed, I cried, I said things out loud like, “Wow.”

By the time I got home, I felt grounded and clear.

As this wave that we call pandemic moves through our collective experience, the situation changes minute by minute, but as of right now, as I sit here with my coffee and my dogs peacefully sleeping, these are my thoughts about how to roll with anxiety during anxious times:

1. Allow your feelings to flow. Let them be and let them move. In a way, spiritual bypassing is just another way to give into fear. I know that sounds convoluted, but that’s how it feels to me. The way to release yourself from fear is to let the fear be. Allow everything. Resistance creates disharmony. You’re not doing something wrong if you’re freaking out. Let yourself freak out. Let yourself not freak out.

2. Drop into your heart. Anxiety is in the mind, truth is in the heart. Drop into your heart through prayer, meditation, the yoga mat, listening crystal bowl music, etc.

If that stuff isn’t your thing - what is your thing? When you are in your heart, you can hear the truth of your spirit.

This is a time of clarity and heightened intuition.

If you get hooked by worry about yourself or your loved ones, pray about it. Seriously. However it is that you pray, even if you don’t call it “prayer.”

3. Create sanctuary in your home. I am keeping my house as clean and clutter-free as possible. I am using my salt lamps and strings of lights and candles. As I disinfect and clean, I do so with mantras of peace and wellness. I am cleaning with mindfulness, instead of fear. I remind myself that I am taking action that brings harmony.

4. Take physical distancing seriously and envision the best possible outcome. As closures are announced, I think to myself, this is good. We are halting the spread of this virus. Remind yourself that these are temporary measures. Right now, love of neighbor looks like empty churches and stadiums.

Do what you can to give to small businesses, independent contractors, creatives, entrepreneurs, people who operate with narrow margins, who typically make money through gigs and gatherings.

Consider calling in a to-go order at your locally owned coffee house or restaurant and picking it up curbside, but err on the side of extreme caution when it comes to being in the presence of other people. (I say this with the understanding that many people can’t work from home.)

Actively pray for (or envision light surrounding) those in leadership positions who are making difficult decisions. Be in love and gratitude for their service.

5. Limit exposure to media. Educate yourself, yes, but don’t wallow. As you’re reading a social media post, a blog post, an article, a whatever…ask yourself, how does this make me feel?

Weed out the content that feeds fear. Find your calm leaders, find the Youtube channels and websites and facebook pages, the priests and gurus that help you feel peaceful and empowered and safe.

6. Engage in self-care. Try new relaxation techniques. Rest. Take naps. Let go. Release.

As I take my supplements in the morning, I imagine I’m swallowing pills of radiant health. I remind myself that I’m strengthening my immune system. I remind myself that I am powerful.

Every night, I plug myself into God (source energy) before I go to sleep.

Focus on the lower chakras - root, sacral, solar plexus. Imagine your energy streams plugged into to God’s energy the same way you plug your phone into the charger.

7. Use this time to create and explore. Creativity is one of the best medicines out there, and one of the best ways to shift out of anxiety. Make things. Learn to play the guitar that’s been gathering dust in your closet. Finger-paint. Tear out pictures from magazine and glue them on paper. Sign-up for webinars or online classes, or complete that class you bought two years ago.

8. Move around. See if your local yoga studios are offering their classes online. If you have a space where you can get out and walk, get out and walk. If you have a yard, go be in it. Breathe some fresh air and move your body. Physical movement moves energy.

9. Stay in touch with loved ones with texts and calls. Just because we’re at a distance physically doesn’t mean we’re at a distance emotionally or energetically.

Share things that are funny.

As we ride these waves, there will be moments when you will be the one who feels good while those around you are freaking out and sometimes you will be freaking out while your loved ones are calm.

10. Share your gifts. Write in your journal, start up a blog, share your thoughts on your facebook page, think creatively about how to offer your work and wisdom to the world in this shifting new normal.

If you find yourself falling into fear about money, brainstorm new and crazy ways you could bring in money by offering what you do online. This is a time for big, wild dreams and authenticity. What’s the thing you’ve always wanted to do but have been afraid to do?

Remember, if the old system isn’t working…we get to build a new system.

11. Create ritual and routine. Ritual calms anxiety. It’s one reason why liturgical worship is so meaningful. If your mind is zooming around a million miles a minute, you can ground yourself in ritual. Try journaling or meditating at the same time everyday. Try setting your table, lighting your candles, and engaging in dinner time ritual. Pray the rosary. Pray the Daily Office. Find the patterns that work for you.

Listen, no matter your belief system, if you’re reading this, I suspect you can see that we are in a time of great shift.

Old ways are collapsing.

This is the cycle of death and rebirth

It can be scary as hell, people are dying. Loss and grief are real and present.

Please hear me when I tell you I am not attempting to gloss over or minimize that fact.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be taking this thing seriously. I’m not in anyway indicating that this is fun and games.

I am speaking to you as someone who has been impacted by anxiety my whole life, as someone who has had to develop tools to deal with anxiety so that I can function.

I want and need to be in service to love and healing, and when I am mired down in anxiety, I can not contribute to life in the ways that my soul needs to contribute.

That’s why I’m sharing these thoughts.

I hope they resonate with you.

I hope they bring some comfort.

Destruction and creation are the same energy.

Just this morning, I heard someone say, “The other side of panic is power surge.”

I like that. It helps me shift into a wider perspective.

And maybe that’s the best way to deal with anxiety. Maybe anxiety is narrowed focus. It’s micro. Maybe we can ease it by zooming out into the macro.

When the world is on fire, we can imagine the phoenix, rising.

We are rising in this. We are forming pathways to a better, more sustainable, more compassionate life.

Most of all, most importantly - no matter how you are feeling, what you are thinking, or what you are doing, please know that you are loved.

Fear is here, but so is love.

Great and steady waves of love are moving through you right now.

You are not alone.

We will get through this together.