december love list + year review
Well here we are.
The end of December and the end of 2022.
I’m writing to you from the early morning of New Year’s Eve.
I am sitting in the dark, listening to crystal bowl music, sipping my coffee.
Right now, in this moment, I’m tired and aware of the anxiety rippling through me, but there is also peace.
This is the Love List for December
Pugnotes by Melissa made a sweater for Rocky and he loves it.
My niece came home from college for winter break.
My mom and I had a little Advent tea party with Chloe, Ava, and Eli.
I woke up on December 18 and realized, I had to move some furniture around. That morning, as Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers danced in black and white on my TV and a gentle snow fell outside, I moved things. It made such a huge difference, I started planning a rearrangement for our whole house.
On the deep freeze 15 below windchills of Christmas Eve, Tracy put the space heater in the bathroom so I could take a salt bath. (That is love.)
Tracy and I spent Christmas Day listening to Radio Woodstock.
We celebrated Boxing Day Christmas with my family.
My great aunt threw a party for my extended family. My mom and I didn’t feel comfortable attending an indoor party, so we went early and spent some time with her, and Rocky got to go, too.
December Looked Like This
Rocky in his new Figgy Pudding sweater.
Magical lights in our neighborhood.
Cat eyes.
My tiny vintage-look tree and authentically vintage angel.
Apple offering for our backyard friends.
Hiking at Veteran’s Park.
Holiday walk at Ashland.
Merry Christmas.
A surprise gift to be simmered.
Rocky visiting my Great Aunt Naomi.
These trails are a hidden treasure.
The last painting on my easel in 2022.
Ritual bath kit that Tracy bought for me in Woodstock and gave to me on Christmas Day.
Eli, my mom, and Ava.
By the light of the tree.
Read, Watched, Consumed
The Crunchy to Alt-Right Pipeline
How Normalcy Bias Will Define Our Future
God Goes to the Hardest Places
There is no Mary Problem in “It’s a Wonderful Life”
Life Moves Pretty Fast: Why GenX “Got it” Before the Rest of You
White Lotus - I think I actually liked Season 2 better than Season 1
I watched all my favorite holiday movies, naturally. The Bishop’s Wife; Bell, Book and Candle; It Happened on Fifth Avenue; The Shop Around the Corner; It’s a Wonderful Life; Christmas in Connecticut.
My 2022 in Review
2022 was my year of BEAUTY - when I chose that guiding word I was thinking about my physical appearance (I had this idea that I wanted to start beauty vlogging, which never panned out) and I was also thinking about the environment or our home.
I wanted, in 2022, to clear our house of clutter, to tend to every corner of it, re-set it like a glistening blank slate, a sanctuary.
But 2022 felt like a year that happened to me rather than a year lived with intention, and I quickly forgot about my guiding word.
Here at the end of it, I’ve had some revelations.
Even though I’ve spun around for years in the idea of clutter clearing and releasing, I just realized the reason this has been a never ending task is, I haven’t really been clearing clutter. I’ve been organizing and storing it. I am seriously considering getting the city to bring one of those dumpsters to my front yard so I can shed a whole bunch of stuff all at once.
One morning, recently, I was journaling and made some additional realizations about how I was raised to think and feel about physical beauty, attractiveness, and self worth, and how I value a different sort of beauty now.
The thing is, I do want to live a beautiful life - and life is beautiful - and beauty is something that can be both cultivated and appreciated.
A lit white candle is beautiful, apples in the snow are beautiful.
A few nights ago, Tracy and I took a night time walk in the cold. The moon was so bright above us. That was beautiful and the sort of beauty I want more of.
I think I am finally, finally, ready to shed what what we no longer need. All the stuff of the past that once served a purpose but is now weighing me down.
Walking into this new year is like walking into a whole new chapter of my life and that’s exciting, but there’s also grief in it.
These are not particularly easy times on the planet.
But they can be beautiful.
In 2022:
I did not meet my goal of finishing a book manuscript. I’m disappointed. But I haven’t given up.
Tracy and Rocky and I had to say goodbye to Woody.
I started new jobs with new people working in new ways, and I’m grateful, but still getting my footing.
I had an epiphany about the future of my personal work, in my studio and online space - I’m creating some new digital things, and getting a studio remodel.
We traveled to Woodstock, New York, which was truly life-changing. We’re planning a longer stay for 2023.
I had a group exhibition at the gallery at Christ Church Cathedral.
I released and posted 40 Days of Meditation.
Mandy and I ate wild blackberries on a hike.
I released a Paint Your Self Love Portrait ebook/workshop, which I’m currently re-vamping.
Tracy got me a Cameo from Pamela Des Barres for my birthday and she rocked it.
We and I celebrated 20 years together (we also rock.)
I heard my brother’s band play…twice (they rock.)
Our neighbor, who is a DJ, started hosting disco street dance parties on Saturday nights (rocked.)
I had chronic hives for almost the entire year. They’re mostly gone now, thankfully.
I got food poisoning. (Again.)
Mandy, Eli, Ava, and I went to a Renaissance Fair and I think I might be a Ren Fair person from now on. I mean, I want the whole outfit if you know what I mean.
I went to my Great Aunt’s 95th birthday party this summer, and visited with her a couple of days ago. She’s pretty amazing.
I talked to a 250 year old tree - a couple of times - and communed with a cactus that only blooms one night a year.
I made a mushroom hat for Halloween.
Tonight, we’ll drink lime seltzer water and watch The Thin Man.
Tomorrow, I’ll pull cards and write in my planners.
With the understanding that energy moves in a spiral and growth is never linear, here’s what I have learned this last week of the year, the message that keeps repeating for me, the understanding that is both frightening and liberating to embody…
My New Year’s Eve WomanIfesto
The only way forward is to let go.
There is nothing to be gained, not even safety, by clinging, gripping, begging, or holding on to things that are trying to leave.
Life is change; everything is always in motion.
And when I let go, and allow change to dance through me, good, surprising, and miraculous things show up.
The image I see in the mirror is not static. It never has been and it and never will be.
The wrinkles on my skin are proof that I have lived.
Just because a box of stuff has been in my basement for 12 years, doesn’t mean I need for it to be there tomorrow.
What is has no bearing on what will be.
All is well, even when it’s dark out and I cannot see the road ahead. Even if I am falling backwards into the abyss. There is LOVE in the abyss. There is always a net of love to catch me.
I know who I am and I accept who I am.
The only thing I can control is the harmony within me.
I can live with integrity, show up as myself, and give what I have to give. I am who I am and who I am is good, worthy, safe, and ever-evolving.
My Wish for you in 2023
I hope you live as your true self.
I hope you see your beauty and share your gifts with the world.
I hope you paint and dance and sing and write stories.
I hope you rest.
I hope you know that you need and deserve both rest and pleasure. These are not things you have to earn.
Life wants you to thrive. Life wants you to be happy. Life wants you to flow in ease. Life wants to laugh through you and run with you through the wildflowers and breathe the wind through your hair.
Life gazes at you in amazement because you are dazzling.
And you’re doing a great job.
Thank you for being here.
I love you.
Happy New Year.